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Before God was an Atheist…

Before I was a Christian, there pulsed within my blood an innate desire to scrutinize those who were…or at least people who had these “ridiculous” beliefs about some master of our universe…and what about other universes? Maybe there was a different God assigned to that one. I always gave credit to myself for being too smart to be conned into a rigid belief system that I assumed denied science and rational thought. Plus, I was happy thinking that if God gave me a mind to think, why would he punish me for using mine to deny his existence and embrace wordly concepts?

I was fond of philosophy, humor and cussing – which I confess, has yet to change now that I know God.

I thought that pursuing a religion or faith meant I had to give up the reality I had created for myself and the control I thought I had. Now, I can look back and see how God was working in my life, even when I never knew of his existence. Sometimes a flood of gratitude sweeps over my body and I’m hurled into a sea of tears. My world was like an Alice in Wonderland playground. My curiosity led to disaster, unanswered illusions, and complete chaos.

Now that I am a Christian, I struggle every day to die to myself. Those years of compounded beliefs that denied my savior come up to haunt me still. It’s a constant battle with myself to let go of the reigns and let God guide my path.
Just because I believe in God, doesn’t mean I don’t believe in science.

Just because I believe in God, doesn’t mean I don’t believe in this world.

Just because I believe in God, doesn’t mean I don’t believe in myself.

I believe in God who created science, conquered this world, and gave me breath to live out His plan.

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A Simple Truth

He is Greater than any fear

He is closer than anyone else near

He delights in you and wants your best

He watches over you while you rest

He is strong yet sweet

He knows no defeat

He provides warmth and comfort from the cold

He provides a shield in battle for the bold

He is beyond your reach, yet within your soul

He’s the other half of you that makes you whole

He is what guides you in moments of unknown

He is always there, you’re never alone

 

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Finding Peace in the Storm

RHYME TIME:

To just be. To just breathe. To just live and not think.
Some of us numb our pains with liver taunting drinks.
We want just the dizzied blur, walking on reality’s brink.

I wanted nothing more than to implode and merely sink.
But life changed in an instance, faster than I could blink.

Those were the days, those were the days I thought I’d never escape.
Now I’m present, using past tense to describe my new found fate.

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VENTING SESH:

Today I arose in a disheveled heap, body heavy with the remnants of my lingering stomach flu. A nasty culprit to fend off, I ignored its nagging ache the best I could, the only sign of pain emerged through the wrinkling of my forehead and clenched shut eyes in moments when it was hard to bear.

Oddly enough, I’m thankful for this sickness because:

#1 I have become exceedingly less immobile than  recent days of busyness, giving me perspective on the need for balance.

#2 I have consented to the fate of getting rest, sleep, hydration and time to write.

The truth is…life has been busy. Change seems constant and established routine is merely a mirage in my dreams. And I’m okay with this, for what seems to be the first time in my life – not because I mastered a yoga pose or meditated in silence, but because I yearn daily to release my reigns to the eternal God who grants peace beyond understanding.

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

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PICTURE THIS:

Psalm 95: Oh come, let us sing to the Lord!

Despite my angry insides, I made it to the beach today – where God whispered to me in the breeze and roared with the crashing waves. Alone with Him…there’s nothing better.