Before I was a Christian, there pulsed within my blood an innate desire to scrutinize those who were…or at least people who had these “ridiculous” beliefs about some master of our universe…and what about other universes? Maybe there was a different God assigned to that one. I always gave credit to myself for being too smart to be conned into a rigid belief system that I assumed denied science and rational thought. Plus, I was happy thinking that if God gave me a mind to think, why would he punish me for using mine to deny his existence and embrace wordly concepts?
I was fond of philosophy, humor and cussing – which I confess, has yet to change now that I know God.
I thought that pursuing a religion or faith meant I had to give up the reality I had created for myself and the control I thought I had. Now, I can look back and see how God was working in my life, even when I never knew of his existence. Sometimes a flood of gratitude sweeps over my body and I’m hurled into a sea of tears. My world was like an Alice in Wonderland playground. My curiosity led to disaster, unanswered illusions, and complete chaos.
Now that I am a Christian, I struggle every day to die to myself. Those years of compounded beliefs that denied my savior come up to haunt me still. It’s a constant battle with myself to let go of the reigns and let God guide my path.
Just because I believe in God, doesn’t mean I don’t believe in science.
Just because I believe in God, doesn’t mean I don’t believe in this world.
Just because I believe in God, doesn’t mean I don’t believe in myself.
I believe in God who created science, conquered this world, and gave me breath to live out His plan.