Match.com is Shocked by this Guy’s Crazy “About Me” Intro

So, I may be a little biased, because I think my brother is the coolest guy in the world. But I think you’ll end up in my same biased boat after you surf through this amazing piece of writing he composed.

My brother’s friend (anonymous) is a great guy. He has wanted to meet a great girl for quite awhile. So, he decided to join Match.com. But the infamous “about me” intro wouldn’t write itself. He took a stab at it, but it wasn’t quite right. It was just like all the other intros out there: trying to use catchy words to describe himself, somehow trying to sum up his awesomeness in just a few sentences.

Enter: brother.

Please read on to find the most interesing, crazy, unconventional Match.com profile intro ever written. (At least I think so.)

What the friend first wrote:

Insert cool profile intro here.

What my brother wrote:

When I was a small boy I became lost in the pines.  I went hunting for snails, skipping along a disheveled rock path away from the safety and warmth of my campsite.  In my youthful haste, I stumbled over a rotted log shaped like Italy (or maybe Argentina, I do not have great memory for log shapes any more these days).  This country-shaped log exaggerated my youthful forward momentum and dashed me headlong against the stones.  I could not bring my hands up quick enough.  The blood was instantaneous.  Where was it coming from?  It did not matter, all was grey, then black…

I awoke in an eyrie.  Mother, as I came to know her, was looking at me mawkishly.  I am certain, as I reflect back on things, that she thought I would die before I learned to fly.  But she did not give up on me.  Mother was an eagle.  Not in the figurative sense.  She picked me off the rocks like so much dead carrion, but when she saw I still had life in me she took me as her own.  Her strange featherless boy.  The years passed.  I will spare you the details.  My brothers and sisters grew large and took to the heavens.  I remained in the nest.  I was sure I would die on that cliff face, 1400 meters above wherever.  Mother became ill.  She could no longer forage for grubs and field mice.  I became emaciated and withered alongside Mother.  I awoke one morning with the wind blowing a gale unlike any before (the wind on that cliff always blew, was my constant friend, telling me stories and laughing as it tore through the cliff scrub and rock crags).  The wind spoke to me again that day.  It said “you must take flight, your Mother is dying, and you must take flight.”  I looked to Mother and saw she was crying.  I stood up and placed my foot over the edge of the nest onto the lip of the cliff, I took a deep breath, then another, tilted my head heavenward to feel the brilliant sun on my face, spread my arms, and leapt…     

And then I flew to Reno, and I’d really like to meet a nice girl so I hope you are her.  Let’s fly together, huh?  Sounds like fun.

What do you think? Would you date a guy with this story as his profile intro? 🙂

2 thoughts on “Match.com is Shocked by this Guy’s Crazy “About Me” Intro

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